The Price of Healing
by Sephielya J. Maxwell
Summary: SEQUEL TO 'THE PRICE OF LOYALTY'. Many ties were frayed and cut recently, and they left behind lasting wounds that will take some time to heal, and many will scar. What must be done before the process can even begin to take effect?
1. The Price

AuthorsNote: -Blush- I was so flattered by the number of reviews that I got for POL! You don't know how much it meant to me! I've been so happy about them, each and everyone! Both to those who have reviewed the whole time, and those who have reviewed only that time X3 I hope that you all enjoy this, the sequel to POL, and I hope you continue to review (encourage!) me! Much, much love! Sephy J

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The first thing that he felt was pain. Something he had become so accustomed to the past few days, so much that it almost felt it had always been this way.

The world was red with pain. Whips sliced through paper thin skin like razors, and brands burned it like the flesh of a common game animal, filling his senses with the awful smell of burning meat—his own. His voice was high and pitiful as he cried out endlessly, at each and every new way they found to torture his slight body. Heavy leather straps, bruising his pale skin where they hit. Sharp, thin knives that cut slivers from his slender form like choice pieces of a delicate dish. And even like this they found it in themselves to violate him in the very last way that they could. And after they tired of shoving themselves into his torn and used body, they came up with many more creative ways to humiliate him.

Consciousness was a slippery and tricky thing. Kabuto thought that he was awake many times, only to fall back into his private hell of delusional tortures. His body was soaking wet and felt heavy as if something lay over him. Head aching terribly, his limbs felt constrained and stiff, protesting each and every move, down to the very breath he needed. He itched all over, and something shifted under him when he did manage to move. Dark eyes snapped open in an instant as he tried to sit up, fingers gripping the sheets as something sharp sent a searing pain through his left arm. He cried out, reaching to remove the object but a hand laid over his wrist. Lucky for the owner of the offending hand, Kabuto's reflexes were not exactally up to par as he moved to lash out. His other hand was caught as well, and held firmly. The room was almost too dark to see, but he made out the shadowy figure in front of him. Just as he was about to shout again the other spoke,

"Kabuto-sensei, it's alright! This is your room! Calm down!" The male said in a hushed tone, and he hated it at once. Since when did someone speak to him like that!? "It's the IV, leave it in! Hey, stop moving or you'll—!" But the silver-haired medic was already curling up in pain, giving a low groan of anguish. He coughed, bandaged arms wrapping around his tightly wrapped midsection. His ribs were aching badly, his stomach so badly bruised that he knew the muscles were damaged. "The medicine's wearing off. Here, take this." The man reached to the bedside table, lifting the glass of water and a few pills. The bandages itched, they constrained his breathing and his movement and he hated it—and they were everywhere! Anything that hindered his movement right now was nothing but a horrible reminder. Forcing himself to sit up, he grabbed the pills and popped them into his mouth.

His first attempt to swallow them made him choke, water spilling over his fingers as he covered his mouth, soaking the sheets under him. The medic at his side frowned and reached to assist him but Kabuto batted him away. Ashamed, he took the soggy pills back into his mouth, swallowing them slowly this time. It left an awful taste of chalk, and he fought the urge to gag that rose up in his throat. He was still sweating, something probably brought on by his body's natural reaction to fighting the infection that had set into his wounds. He needed to see them, to assess how bad that they really were, and to make sure that they had done everything correctly while he was apparently sleeping. One look at the expression of the man in his room told him this was going to be impossible.

"...Light a few candles, I can't see." He said at last, his voice rather raw. The other seemed to think this request was alright at least, and he went about the room lighting them as asked. "Now... go and get me something stronger."

"You can't take—"

"I know what I can take!" Kabuto snapped, but then he changed his tone with a groan. Shouting had made his stomach and chest throb with a not so dull ache. "_Nnnngh..._Kono-kun..." He whined, and the man seemed surprised that Kabuto had remembered his name. "Please, it _hurts..._Just bring me something from my lab. A bottle of pills labeled 'Opiate Six'." He murmured feverishly, his breath coming a little fast. Kono seemed to hesitate, probably trying to think of exactly what the medicine was. "GO!" He shouted, and the younger man jumped, nodding his head as he left the room in a hurry. Kabuto gave a sigh of relief, tossing the sheets off of his body.

The cold air hit him like a physical blow, causing him to suck in his breath which in turn sent a throb of pain through his ribs. Wincing, he slid the needle out of his arm. Slowly, he slipped his long, bandaged legs over the edge of the bed. The stone floor was cold, but it felt almost good on his feverish skin. Grabbing the edge of the table he stood uneasily, legs wobbly and weak. Pain erupted from his thighs and hips, knees buckling, but he kept his footing. His mirror was across the room, he could make it... Each step seemed a mile, his balance difficult to keep when he was feeling so dizzy form pain. Fingertips slowly left the table, and he was on his own. The distance felt impossible, but he made it somehow, clinging to the edges of the mirror as his breath created a fog onto the shiny surface.

From neck to ankles bloodstained bandages covered his slender body, and what was not covered seemed to be bruised or otherwise marred. With a trembling hand he unwound the bandages on his right arm. His left followed, and then his chest. Tears rose in his eyes as he beheld his once flawless pale skin. Bruises on his arms, his wrists badly chafed and bloody from the rope—he cried out as the bandage on his right one stuck to the wound, ripping it off angrily. On his sides he could see the marks from where the lashes had curled around, as well as the ones that had been given to the front of him as well. The left side of his chest was purple and black, and from what he could tell at least two ribs were broken. All of the wounds were fresh, infection all cleaned away by the Oto's careful medics, red blood flowing freely from where they had been suck to the bandages. At least they had done that right... For a moment he rest, pressing his cheek against the cool surface which was wet from the fog of his breath. He sobbed dryly, giving a small, private whimper of pain as he pulled back to continue. His left leg... bruised, lashed, long burns on his thighs from the hot bars they'd used. And his right... Kabuto had just gotten them unwrapped to his knee when he caught sigh of something that made his heart skip a beat. Turning slightly to the side, the tears that had risen from pain began to fall.

"Oh..._no..._" He barely breathed, voice shaking. No, _no,_but hadn't that healed!? That was his back... They had given him another one! Broken nails dug into the newly revealed wound, and bile rose up in his throat as blood began to run down his leg. He shook with more sobs, and the pit in his stomach rose suddenly. Knees buckling, he caught himself with his hands as he fell, emptying the contents of his stomach onto the bare stone floor. Hair fell over his face and he moved it aside angrily, wiping the back of his mouth swiftly. So much for the pills... The door opened and his body gave a jolt of shock.

No, stay calm. You're home.

"Kono-kun, hurry up..." He breathed, nails digging in again.

"Kabuto, just what are you doing?" An unexpected voice snapped, and his eyes shot to the door. There stood his master, looking quite angry and perplexed at same time. His mouth fell open for an excuse, but as the Sannin approached him he backed away quite suddenly, blocking his face with one hand, as if it could block all of his shame.

"Don't..." He couldn't hold a sob back. "Don't... don't look at me..." Voice shook, and it was barely coherent it was so quiet. "I'll... I'll be alright in a few days, just... _please..._don't look at me...!"

Orochimaru frowned, "You shouldn't even be out of bed, you little fool. Don't look at you? What vanity! You have seen me at my worst." The pale ninja almost hissed, and he came to where his medic was now huddled by the wall. Reaching down he grabbed his wrist, the one that seemed to be clutching his thigh. Kabuto tried to protest, ripping his hand back, but his master saw it. Golden eyes widened, and his fists clenched. The blood that was on Kabuto's wrist that had gotten onto his hand soon mixed with his own as his nails dug in to his own pale palm.

A brand.

The brand of Konoha's Leaf was right there on his thigh. Jaw tensed as he watched his medic make his way back to his bed, but he only managed to grip the sheets as he lay his head on the mattress, sobbing pitifully, and heavily. Kabuto knew that his master was holding back. The entire way home, he had known it. The Sannin's silence... Orochimaru knew that if he pressed it, if he shouted and lashed out as was in his nature when he was upset, that Kabuto could not take it. He could cave in, and retreat somewhere into his mind from which he could not ever recover. Each silent, furious glance that he had sent him had gotten such a cringe from the medic that Orochimaru himself felt ill. And so they were at a stand still, with neither one able or ready to speak to the other. Kabuto sobbed brokenly over his bed, and the snake Sannin left the room without a word.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Orochimaru slammed his fist into the stone wall, crumbling a good portion of it. His breath came fast, and he felt a pleasant throb of pain where his knuckles bled. He could hear Kabuto in the room just behind him, still sobbing on his bed like an abandoned child. He had only seen his medic cry twice before, and both times had been because of pain. This was something else, aside from pain; yet not completely separate. Seeing that brand on his servant's skin had been the last straw. His burning hatred for Konoha had just gone up a few more notches, if it was possible. How _dare_they... How dare they mark his property!

Torture him, yes. He had expected that much. But to brand him like common cattle—this was an insult that he would not take lightly! He had thought it was enough of one to have his right hand man captured by the enemy, but he had been wrong. Yes, the boy was loyal to him. Of course he had not said a word to them, because Kabuto was a loyal and therefore valuable ninja. Irreplaceable... The proof was in the room behind him, anguished sobs berating his master's ears for listening. Kabuto had been caught in the first place in order to save his master the perilous trip back to the lab. Orochimaru's body had been rejecting him much sooner than expected, and the medicine that he needed was in another base completely, leaving them no other choice. Caught because of his master's weakness, and tortured within inches of his life. The boy had been convinced that he had been left to die, and still he kept his lips shut.

Oh... if only he hadn't found out. Then this could all be simple. But no... His medic _had_betrayed him. He had betrayed his master in such a way that he had to this day never experienced until now. And _oh,_he did _not_like this feeling. A fist had reached straight into his chest and gripped a hold of his very core, twisting it tightly to the point that nothing else seemed to matter right now. Not the revival of his current base, and not the things that had been lost in the other. There was nothing for him but this dull, sickening ache in his chest. He could still hear those unforgivable words, whispered in a voice that was reserved for only the most desperate of situations, when his medic had run out of options and was forced to be honest and true.

/"_STOP_! S-Stop, Orochimaru-sama... _please..._" / And the insolent brat had even grabbed his hand! Orochimaru had been confused for only a moment before he caught the look that his most valuable, most loyal, most treasured servant had given his enemy.

Hatake Kakashi. The insolent little whelp with the foolish father. The one that had been the sensei of Uchiha Sasuke before he had come to the Oto, and the one who had tried to put a lock over his curse seal. Kabuto, _his_Kabuto... had been with his man. It was painfully easy to see, with just that one shared look and pathetic plea. Then that kiss had been... What? A goodbye? It had not been a distraction at all, at least not in the way that he had thought. Sleeping with the enemy... He had thought that only the young and foolish did something so obviously stupid, without gain.

That night with Kabuto and Kakashi like some kind of gods damned star-crossed lovers, Orochimaru—who was there to rescue his medic from a slow death at the hands of their enemy, had almost become the "villain" instead! It was infuriating. He wished to race back into the room and with his kunai, cut the offending brand from the once smooth, pale, soft thigh of his faithless l... His fist slammed into the wall again, but this time he shook it off as he began to walk down the hallway. He licked his bleeding knuckles slowly.

Lover. He had thought of the word lover. But Kabuto was _not_his lover, he was his servant! Just because lately he had invited the boy to be his companion in bed more frequently than in the past did _not_make him his lover. It was his medic's job to take care of him, right? And it was simply the service that he had required...

Slender and pale with smooth and softer than the skin of any ninja Orochimaru had ever touched was Kabuto's body. Young and toned, possessing all of the youth and vigor that his master so obsessively tried to obtain through immortality. And Kabuto used it carelessly, shaking off anything and everything that was thrown at him with his seemingly unlimited healing. But they had found those limits several times, and it seems that those times were the only times that Kabuto realized his own mortality. It frightened him, and he understood his master best in those times. Together, they shared sides of themselves that were never meant for the public eye. In bed, they were honest, passionate, and truthful.

Or so he had thought.

So, his dear medic had been spreading those long legs of his for not _only_another man, but an enemy. An enemy that was close to his future host, and possessed possibly one of the greatest threats of all. What secrets had be been whispering to the Jounin? What pillow talk had he filled the Copynin's ear with? The thought of their last base flashed through his mind, but he shook it away. No, Kabuto had not been disloyal in that way. He had not told his master's secrets in any way that would bring them misfortune or harm. Once again, his tattered canvas of skin was proof of that. Likely, Kabuto had learned a painful lesson about his affair. Kakashi had been useless in saving him any pain, regardless of any passionate, sinful moments they had shared.

And so the worst part about all of this scenario was not that his medic had done something harmful to the Sannin's village. It was that it hurt. It fucking _hurt._This had been exactly what he had been trying to avoid ever since he had left Konoha. Attachment to another human. Perhaps he had let the boy stay overnight in his bed once to often. Or maybe it had started when the medic had whispered to him in his hot, breathy whisper, right in the middle of sex, that he loved him. It could have been when he stayed by his side night and day when no one else dared to, and stubbornly gave his master every bit of medicine that he needed. He fought his master's old teammate for him, deceived Sasori for him, manipulated enough things for Sasuke to arrive safely, lived a lie for years... He didn't know when it had started, but it didn't matter.

His chest was in pain, and it had nothing to do with the rejection of this body. That sobbing, ragged boy in the room now down the hall from him was an attachment. One he wished to break, while at the same time discover just what he had done wrong. Just _why_had Kabuto needed another bedmate? Why the enemy? Why _Kakashi_? He wanted to slap the boy until he gave him the answers that he wanted, but he knew that in his current state that if he got violent the medic would never recover from it mentally. Then what _could_ he do?

A light was on in Kabuto's lab, and the Sannin's eyebrow rose. He spotted one of the other medics exiting the room with a bottle in his hand, and something sparked.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Some time later, Kabuto sat atop his bed once again, holding the roll of bandages in his teeth as he attempted to rebandage his chest and stomach. His body was beginning to protest every _breath_simply because it required him to move, but if Kabuto was anything at all, he was stubborn. He ripped the piece he needed, securing the bandage around its self and panting as he took a break. Both arms down. But he was still running a high fever, and his skin was wet with it. Soon, his body was going to feel the withdraw of all of the medicine that he had taken simply to make it home.

Soldier pills, supplements, chakara boosters, and pain killers. All on an already empty shell of a body. As it turned out, his healing when he had killed Jaetou was next to nothing. Perhaps he had only killed the pain for a moment, long enough to step across and strike him. If he didn't get his chakara back up to normal soon he was ... all of these marks... he was going to be permanently scarred for the rest of his life. He didn't think himself vain—at least not completely. Sure, Kabuto was proud of his nearly flawless body; what ninja wouldn't be? His superior healing and knowledge of medicines were to thank for that, and he was proud of his skill. Most of the wounds were not terrible enough to scar him badly. Only a few of the whip lashes were deep enough to worry about, and the bruises of course would fade. Some of the burns might scar his once smooth and beautiful thighs, but he could live with those...

But gods... Cruel, cruel gods. Why the brand? It wasn't fair! He had never belonged to Konoha in the first place! If he would have noticed the brand before he had killed Jaetou then he could have focused on healing it. Anger was making his head feel even more fuzzy, and the pain was beginning to set in as his every muscle ached, and every nerve pinched. Just as he finished bandaging his midsection the door opened again, and he was more than a bit relieved to see Kono with a tray in his hands. Kono's eyes lowered as soon as he saw his superior, moving toward the bed and setting the tray on the table.

"Let me help..."

"Just give me the medicine, Kono-kun." Kabuto spoke quietly, though his throat was tight. Kono swallowed hard, filling a glass of water and handing the other medic a set of pills. Antibiotics. Well, that made sense. His body was likely swimming with infection from the dirty cells, and this would help him recover faster. He swallowed them with only a little trouble. Panting as he licked his still dry lips, he held out his hand for the second set of pills. After a moment of silence he turned his dark eyes up to meet his subordinates blue ones. "Kono-kun, the Opiates?" He asked, frowning irritably. Kono swallowed, picking at his glove a bit.

"Kabuto-sensei... Let me help you get bandaged again. I brought you medicine for... for the burns..."

"Kono-kun, do not treat me like an invalid!" Was this what his master felt like at the time that his arms had been cursed? It was terrible, but at least Orochimaru was able to have confidence in his medic's skills... This medic was merely a Chuunin. "Just give me the pills, and let me handle it." He held out his hand more imploringly.

"I-I... we all know... what you've been through... We respect you. W-we don't know why... he's angry with you, but... I'm sorry..." He swallowed again, and Kabuto frowned. If his master was angry with him, there could only be one reason, but he didn't want to think about that now.

"Don't worry about Orochimaru-sama. I'll handle him. Don't I always? Just give me the Opiates and be on your way. Or stay, I don't care. Just give me the pills!" He snapped, but then he caught himself. It was hard to maintain his good side when he was feeling this much pain and irritation. He closed his eyes for a moment, and then he gave a slight smile. "Look, Kono-kun, if you forgot them I won't be angry. Just go and get them..."

"I can't!" Kono whispered, but it was loud enough for Kabuto to hear. The silver-haired medic frowned.

"What?"

"I... I can't! We're not allowed... to give you... any kind of pain medication. I'm sorry, Kabuto-sensei... I don't know why he's angry, but I'm sorry! He's told all of us that if we give them to you... You know the rest." He said reluctantly, still tugging at his glove. Kabuto felt all of the blood drain from his face, feeling a chill spread throughout his body from head to toe.

"N...No... he wouldn't do..." His voice died off, Kono's face saying it all. He had. His master had ordered such a thing. Knowing full well what it would mean for his medic to go through, he had given such an order. Kabuto tried to swallow, but a lump in his throat made it hard. He felt sick to his stomach again, but he knew that he could not afford to lose the medication he had just taken. His dark gray eyes became pitch black, and his voice was almost too low to be heard, as he stared at the mirror across his room. "...Kono-kun... Please, help me with my bandages, and then leave me to sleep." He said quietly.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Hours later, when the sun outside had fallen to reveal the waxing moon, there was not a silent hall in all of the current Oto base. Stone was a great substance for carrying sound, anyone who lived near mountains would tell you this. Take a maze, more than a mile of twisting, winding hallways and rooms and give it stone walls, stone floors, and ceilings, and you had a wonderful concert hall of sound. Of course, there were jutsus and fuda to get around such things normally. But one room did not have such things present at the moment. Ninja avoided that hallway like the plague, staying as far as possible from the offending room.

Inside of the room, Kabuto had woken to full withdraw, fever, and the blinding, searing pain of his wounds. Well, perhaps to say that he woke up was a stretch of the truth. The medic was dead tired, exhausted from the exertion forced upon his body, but his fever raged and his wounds ached. Bandages itched, skin slick with sweat, hair clinging to the sides of his deathly pale face as he gripped the sheets, arching his back in pain.

At first, he had tried to stay silent. Teeth clenched tightly, he gave himself a headache trying to keep sound from escaping his tormented frame. Every time he closed his eyes he was greeted with the awful sight of his torturers. Every throb or twinge of a lash or burn was laid anew in his mind until he forced his eyes open again. High, desperate whines began to slip through as his body broke out in sweat, writhing slowly, twisting into his thin sheets. Kono had left his bedside, and he was never more glad to be alone. Whimpers broke free as his eyes began to water, his stomach protesting being given nothing but medication for the past few hellish days. Not an hour went by before he was locked in the full grip of his misery.

Currently one hand locked onto one of the headboard's bars, the other clutching the sheets tightly, he twisted himself to the side as a wave of pain passed through his body. Eyes opened half-way, begging away the nightmares that came to him in his half-asleep, nearly delirious state, tears slipping over flush hot cheeks to soak his hair and pillow as he turned his face into it, sobbing openly. It hurt to gasp for breath as he was, each heavy pant feeling like a stab to his lungs from his broken ribs. "Nnn..._nnngghh_! Hah...Ah_haaa._..!" His voice rose, high and pitiful. "Nn...Naaa...Gg-_hhss..._!" He pressed his head back into his pillow as his back arched, stomach cramping up tightly as he curled back up swiftly, writhing in the pain that made his gut feel like it was being ripped from his body.

"Nn—_hhkkk... yaaaaah, Ple... _haaaaa!!"His screams broke out, full-voiced and ear-splitting. The halls resounded with his private hell, and every ear that heard them was wincing. They continued, unending and uninterrupted. "No, g-..._Ta---aahhn...sto...Ouuhh..._ P-_plea..._!" He twisted and pulled at the sheets and headboard to no avail, the covers wrapped mostly around one bandaged leg, caught around his waist somewhere as well. "D... _damn..._it—_hck_---ahaaah!" Never in his life had he lacked so much control over his body. Every painful muscle spasm, every crippling stomach cramp, and every throb of his irritated wounds. After everything, to endure this in his own room... "Ahhh, _O-Orochhh..._nnaahaah..._Orochimaru-sama_...!"

_/You can't tell me anything normally, can you... Orochimaru-sama?/_

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Orochimaru watched another medic scurry quickly back down the hall that they had come from with a cold amusement. So, Kabuto really _did_have_some_loyalty from his subordinates after all. He'd watched three of them come near so far, but as soon as they caught sight of the Oto's owner they had all turned tail and made a quick retreat. But the pale ninja himself was not un-phased by the sound of his medics cries. Quite the opposite. He felt every scream and sob as if they were belts, slowly tightening around his chest. It was almost hard to breathe, when he eventually heard his name shouted amongst the almost delirious sounds of agony. He leaned against the wall, directly next to Kabuto's door, where the sound was the strongest. Nails dug into his arms through his sleeves, eyes closed and breathing slow.

"Haaahh...Nnnaa, gaa—ouuh!" Kabuto's voice was raw with pain, so much that he had never heard it give such a pitch. His throat must already be sore, from the sheer volume of his cries of suffering. The belt tightened.

/_I know... I know that his is harsh. But you leave me no choice, you foolish boy. I cannot touch you right now... Or I fear that I will forever break you./_

"Ahh, Oro..._Orochimaru-sama... Orochimaru-samaaah..._!!" Kabuto began to shout, causing golden eyes to snap open. "Sa—Uhnnngg... Orochimaru-sama... _Orochi...hah_!"

/_What are you doing? What do you want?/_

"Orochimaru-sama! Oro..ch.._.sssama_...! ..._rochi_...aaahhh!"

/_Ah, he's _calling_for me?... Damn it..._/ He could not do this...

The Sannin uncrossed his arms, calling for assistance. Kabuto had been unfaithful, and yet loyal to him... He couldn't let him suffer the pain he was feeling right now, all for the crime that he had committed before it. He had made his point. It had not gone unnoticed, the medic's infidelity, and the Sannin was not happy about it. For whatever reasons, Kabuto was going to have to decide that on his own. A medic came close cautiously, and he tried his best to keep his expression placid a he gave his orders. It was hard to concentrate with his servant screaming his name so painfully loud just behind him, but he managed, though the medic looked pale. Kono, wasn't he? One of Kabuto's younger students, and not the best at that. Well, he had been brave to approach, and he knew his medicine. The Chuunin left and returned shortly after with everything that he had asked for, and the Sannin lifted something from the bag, telling the other to wait before he opened the door.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Kabuto's voice stopped for a moment as his master stepped into his room. His sobs continued, but he limited his sounds to heart-wrenching whimpers and heavy, short breaths. "_Orochimaru-sama..._!" He whined, though he could barely see the Sannin through his tears. "Co... Mnnn, _here.._" He panted, and the other seemed to understand, moving over to the bed and grabbing the chair, scooting it closer. He sat down on it, golden eyes roaming over his servant's body once again. Kabuto was reaching for him, fingers grasping the sheets at the edge of the bed and releasing them several times. "_Please..._Don't let me fall back asleep. I-I'd rather... endure... then dream..." He pleaded, and the Sannin tilted his chin up slightly as he lent his hand. It was gripped tightly, and Kabuto's breathing seemed to lessen. Orochimaru winced at the force, but he said nothing. They were both quiet for a moment, as Kabuto fought the urge to curl up again, his body tense and writhing slightly, breath heavy.

"Why don't you ask me?" Orochimaru asked at last, and his medic's eyes were dark, glazed with pain as he turned his gaze towards his master. He licked his dry lips,

"I-I... ahnn... I know..._why..._" He replied, and the other wasn't surprised. It was as he thought, Kabuto had figured it out. But still, there was something fundamentally wrong with the picture of the servant seeking comfort from the master that was the very cause of his painful experience, both current and past. The hand that held his was damp, hot, and still locked his own in a painful grip. He decided it was time... He pulled his arm out from behind his back, revealing the syringe he held. Kabuto's eyes widened, not having expected this at all. He seized his master's hand in a fragile grip when he tried to find the vein in his arm, drawing the Sannin's annoyed and questioning glare. His other hand trembled as he grabbed his master's shoulder, fingers curling in the fabric as he pulled himself up and the other down until his head was tucked safely onto his shoulder.

"I'm..." His voice was quiet though the pitch was high with pain, and breathless, "_I'm sorry... I'm sorry...So sorry!_" he sobbed, "I'm sorry... I didn't know... _I'm so sorry... I didn't know..._"

/_You are cruel, Orochimaru-sama... for never telling me. How could I know you.../_

The needle broke his skin none to gently, but he didn't even wince. It was nothing compared to what he was feeling now, inside and out. Closing his eyes as the merciful medication slipped slowly into his veins, he sobbed into the Sannin's long dark hair, soaking the clothing at the crook of his neck. Orochimaru, surprisingly, seemed not to mind. He loosened Kabuto's death grip on his clothing, forcing his hands back onto the bed, and then his body. The medic lay on his back, bandages bloody and damp with perspiration, dark shadows under his eyes-which were red from crying, standing out against his once again pale face. The sheets were all a mess, tangled and even ripped where he had been holding them.

"What a mess..." The Sannin remarked quietly, reaching out to brush the silver hair from his face. Kabuto's eyes closed, and he rest his cold hand on the feverish forehead.

"Why didn't you...? Nn..._I'm sorry..."_

"Shhh. The medicine is going to take effect. Let it work."

"But..."

"Quiet, you brat." His master snapped, and he obeyed. "You always were a quick learner...I'll take it away now. The pain that you have endured for me... When you are better, we'll talk about the rest." He stood up, but stopped when he heard a small whine. Turning back around, he leaned over the bed.

Kabuto's lips were dry and cracked, but he kissed them gently with his own smooth, silky ones. He broke the kiss almost as it began, pressing his finger to the other's lips. "...Hush. Concentrate on healing, Kabuto. You are still... irreplaceable to me." He said before he stood, leaving the room before Kabuto could protest. Once outside, he turned his cold eyes to Kono, who was standing before the door. "Replace his bandages, and give him another dose of that in three hours. If I hear him scream in pain again, you will be next to scream. Do you understand?" He asked, and Kono paled, bowing low.

"Yes, Orochimaru-sama!" He said loudly. The Sannin paused, glancing over his shoulder and into the room, where the silver-haired medic was almost asleep already. Kono moved past him, and he sighed.

/_You little fool... Don't do that to me. No one has made me feel guilty for at least twenty years, but you... You understand now, but do not think that your punishment is over. It is not over until I know for sure, why you.../ _Hands clenched again, but he held himself back. Worst of all, Kabuto was already apologizing. It meant that he knew that he had personally hurt his master by sleeping with another, and this did not do wonders for Orochimaru's pride.

The healing process was not going to be pretty, and it was not going to be short. By the end of it, many things were going to have to come to light; things that all of them would much rather stay buried. The price of loyalty was high, but the price of healing might prove its self to be just as tough.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Ps: This turned out longer than I thought, and I haven't even touched Konoha yet, nor have reasons come to light, so... Stay tuned, and remember, reviews are the currency of fiction! If I get more +Alert and +favs than reviews, I won't update until it tips. If you like it, don't keep it to yourself!


	2. Understanding the Payments

AuthorsNote: Someone asked for this for xmas I believe X3 I was so flattered by all of your wonderful reviews that I couldn't believe it! Please continue to let me know what you think!

The old man sighed as he rubbed the back of his head, staring out at the village through the glass window that sat high above it. "You really think... it'll be better this way?" He asked, glancing over his shoulder to the woman standing behind him. The blond crossed her arms under her ample chest, cocking her hip.

"I_know_ it will. Call it woman's intuition." She said firmly, though she did not smile. Her eyes were troubled, and she averted them from the man's gaze. "Just let him know. I know it's hard for you, but... that means you should understand. Am I wrong?"

"No, you're not."

"It's not an order or anything. Call it a favor."

"Of course." The man headed for the door, patting the Godaime's shoulder as he passed her. Tsunade's eyes moved back to the window, and she moved towards it slowly, resting her hand on the glass. This is why she had run in the first place... refused this position. Reputation or not, she was a woman with a soft heart, and she had no taste for this type of scandal. Why were important men so... damned stupid?

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

From across the village, a different set of eyes watched over it with an equally troubled gaze. His one dark eye was clouded with an emotion not yet defined, though his lanky, toned form was laid out on the tree branch casually. It had been days since Kabuto's escape, and to his shock he had not been called to see Godaime yet. It was only a matter of time before they pieced it all together, or before Ibiki told. After all, their argument and the torture master's choice had cost him Iruka, from what he heard. The Chuunin currently found comfort in the presence of Kakashi's kohai, Yamato, by the sound of things. Anbu were notorious gossipers, for all of their secrecy. It was one reason that he was shocked that no one had yet to bring up his own shameful affair. He closed his eye as he was brought around full circle into this train of thought.

By all accounts, he should be dead. Orochimaru no longer had any good reason to spare his life, and if it had not been for Kabuto's desperate plea, he would no longer be among the living. He wasn't so naïve as to think it might have been better if he died. He was in no hurry at all to rejoin his father and teacher, as well as his dear friend. No, perhaps what bothered him most... was the fact that while he had not lifted a finger to stop Kabuto's torture, the medic had caused his life to be spared. Why? Perhaps it was all a cruel trick. After all, it would be the best way to assure he felt the worst about everything as he did now. What a useless, shameless man he was. Sleeping with the enemy, and being the only one to stick to their promise of no attachments. Yet who was he trying to fool here? He _was _attached. Or if he wasn't, why did he feel this awful?

That stubborn, arrogant face would not leave his vision. The Oto's medic would sooner stick him with a kunai than tell him a secret, yet he gave Kakashi his most unguarded moments when they lay in bed together. Neither one ever slept, they didn't quite trust one another that much. Those rushed and passionate meetings had become the lust for living that the Jounin had found ever since his team had been torn asunder. It was not the thrill of the affair, but rather the thrill of the challenge. It was not Kabuto the enemy medic that he was interested in, but Kabuto the younger man who was nearly his equal in all ways, and whose eyes held the same cold depth that his own did.

He could have had anyone... Kakashi's hand swept over his face, rubbing his normal eye as he opened it again, his eyes on the sunny village. Man, woman... Anbu, Chuunin; maybe even that nice lady at the book store who always flirted with him. If he had wanted comfort, he should have chosen one of them. What was it his father once told him? 'You can never make the same mistake twice... Because once is enough to ruin your life.'. Such cheerful advice... He should have taken it.

The flare of chakara caught him off guard for a moment, and he sat up quickly. He was surprised to recognize it, but only because it was heading his way. Hmm... That must mean that Naruto was in town. If anyone could make him smile, it would be the sunny blond. But it looks like business came first. Turning on the branch, he rubbed the back of his head slowly. The older ninja landed next to him without a sound, facing the village.

"Jiraiya-sama." He greeted simply, as the white-haired man sat down. The Hermit reached into his pouch, pulling out his kiseru, and a pinch of leaves. When it was set, he lit it. "Did she send you?" Kakashi asked at length.

"Of course she did. She decided she couldn't deal with men's stupidity, after all." Jiraiya said, taking a slow drag from the pipe. Kakashi smiled a bit, looking ahead again.

"Ah, of course... We _are_ pretty stupid, aren't we?" He asked, lifting his headband. He took the offered pipe, lowering his mask to take a slow drag as well.

"Each and every one. And though I always tell myself that rejection makes a man stronger... I think that not being rejected may be even more harmful. Though, every case is different." He took the pipe back, as Kakashi coughed. "Ah, that's good. You shouldn't be used to it, it's horrible for you." Jiraiya said, taking another drag. He waited a moment, blowing the smoke out slowly as he spoke. "It's funny... how things turn out. Maybe you and I got something wrong. After all, Minato got it right." He said with a sad smile, and Kakashi imitated it.

"Kushina-san, right?" He asked, and Jiraiya nodded.

"She was Whirlpool... but she changed. Of course, I suppose to make something real, your intentions have to be real from the beginning." The Hermit said, glancing over to the younger man. Kakashi shifted to sit back against the trunk of the tree, one knee crooked while the other hung over the edge so that he could face his fellow ninja.

"You've got a point..." The Copynin said, rubbing his forehead for a moment. "I wasn't thinking of that at all. I just wanted something temporary, something to take my mind off of everything. A challenge and a conquest... Yet it looks like I was the one who was defeated here." His hand dropped, and he waved away the pipe. "No, no more of that for me... Just tell me, what's my punishment?"

"What punishment?" Jiraiya asked, and Kakashi frowned.

"Surely Tsunade-sama's not just going to overlook the fact that I slept with the enemy—not just the enemy, but Orochimaru's right hand man... I never told anyone, and I didn't even get any useful information out of him." He explained, but Jiraiya shook his head.

"Was there some damage that I am not aware of?" He asked, and Kakashi blinked.

"...She's not going to punish me? That's even worse." He said, slumping a bit.

"Exactly." A cloud of white slipped from the older man's lips as he exhaled. "Don't you know? That's what Konoha does to idiots like you and I." He said, pipe resting on his lower lip.

"You and I...? I wasn't aware that you were in my boat, Jiraiya-sama."

"Weren't you?" The other asked, raising an eyebrow as he glanced over briefly. "Well, I suppose my story _was_ a bit different, so I can't be too surprised that you haven't heard..." He tapped the pipe on the branch, letting the ash fall below. "It didn't start off that way. I mean, he wasn't always an enemy. He was someone I trusted with my life, even if he was always a stubborn, arrogant, cold bastard who'd rather kill an orphan than feed him." The Hermit muttered, slipping the pipe away as Kakashi's dual-colored eyes widened a little, eyebrows raising.

"'He'... I had no idea you even liked men, Jiraiya-sama." He said, and Jiraiya waved his hand, giving an exasperated sigh.

"Oh please, don't be naïve. I'm a lover of beauty, just like you. And I'm a writer as well... Unfortunately, I've always been in love with the idea of love and the like." He rubbed his chin. "More so when I was young... After so many rejections by the fairer member of my team, I turned to the one that was kind to me."

"Your team..." Realization struck, though he was not as surprised this time. The Jounin nodded his head. "I see... Though it's hard to think of him as kind."

"Hahaha... isn't it the truth. But he was, to me when he wanted to be. More so than you could ever imagine... Whether it was taking my side against Tsunade, or picking up my slack in battle without complaint. And I never forgave myself for leaving him here when I left, though I really didn't have much of a choice. It was then that he really changed..." Jiraiya's eyes were dark with his own pain, and Kakashi averted his gaze as well. "... It didn't stop when he left." He said, and the younger one looked back. "It would have been easier if it had. I chased after him. For a long time, I chased him in my travels. I stayed away from the village for it. And several times, he sought me out. Sometimes to taunt me, and sometimes..." His eyes closed. "Just so that we could both remember what we had lost."

Silence fell over the two Konohanin, and it remained for a long moment. The wind rustled through the leaves around them, voices from the village carrying like ghosts on the warm waves. Naruto was in there somewhere, probably scarfing down a nice large bowl of ramen. Perhaps Iruka had sought him out, or the other way around, and the two of them would be able to smile for a while. Oh, Naruto... He hadn't even been able to teach his student better than himself. Good ninja knew that bonds were made to be broken. Good ninja did not chase after impossible dreams of sharing something with someone who was so far out of your reach from the beginning. Kakashi closed his eyes as well, leaning his head back.

"I understand." He said, giving a slow breath. He had made his choice. His choice was not a person, it was a village. Konoha was his lover, like any good ninja. The Jounin would submit to his life as a tool once again. Jiraiya nodded, his eyes half-opening. "I just have... one question." He said quietly. The Hermit gave another nod, though Kakashi wasn't looking. He couldn't. "Is it possible... for Orochimaru to love?" He asked. Jiraiya blinked, taking a moment to let the question roll around in his mind. When he felt he understood, he sighed.

"Unfortunately... Even if that idiot ever did love anyone, it wouldn't make much of a difference. After all... He loved our Sarutobi-sensei." Jiraiya stood up, glancing over to the younger ninja. "...I'm sorry that wasn't the answer that you wanted to hear. But Kakashi... He's lived this long, hasn't he? And that bastard's never rescued anyone but Tsunade or I before, without an mission. As much as I hate to admit it, it's possible. In any case, it would be best if you left it at that, wouldn't it? We haven't seen the last of either of them, you and I. We have to be prepared... For Konoha."

"Ah. For Konoha." Kakashi repeated, lowering his headband and raising his mask once again. "My lesson is learned. Thank you... Jiraiya-sama."

- - - - - - - - - - -

Kabuto knew what his orders were. He knew them, but he chose to ignore them. He sat up in his bed with his legs crossed, simple gray pants and a white shirt, making notes in a leather-bound book that rest on his lap. Bandages still covered him from thighs to neck under his clothing, but his hands had healed enough to write. The process was slow and boring, if you asked him. His chakara was replenishing slowly, enough to heal this or that, but not near enough to cover the multitude of damage done to his lithe body. Healing was not as easy task to begin with. It took very careful concentration and presice control over your chakara, neither of which the medic currently had.

Shadows had formed under the silver-haired ninja's eyes, a testament to his troubled sleep. If he took the pills that let him sleep without dreaming then he couldn't think straight for hours after he woke. If he tried to sleep naturally, with his back pressed tightly against the wall and the covers around his body like a cocoon, he would wake covered in cold sweat and trembling from the nightmares that it brought. His tormentors changed faces and tactics more than they ever did in real life, and in his dreams he suffered even worse fates, and some of the same, that he had gone through in waking life. Even if his mind told him that he was suffering from the effects of—completely understandably—post traumatic stress, he was still annoyed with it. Just yesterday he had nearly broken the neck of a medic who had come to wake him for medication, all because they touched his shoulder to wake him.

Rubbing at his right temple, Kabuto groaned. His headache was terrible today. Probably the side-effect of too much medication, just like his troubled stomach. This morning had been the first bit of food that he had been able to keep down—steamed rice and a few steamed vegetables, along with some green tea. The book currently in his lap was what he had been working on since then. His master's orders were simple: rest and heal. But Kabuto could not sit still in this place while he knew that experiments were being carried out without healing on the subjects, forcing the village to lose a good 30 more human subjects than usual. Any life gone was too much for them, as it was getting harder and harder to find good subjects. His own projects had gone too long untouched as well, near a week now. There were cultures that needed to be taken care of, viruses and bacteria that he could not afford to let die out or get out of hand from being unattended.. His eyes shot over to the door an instant before it opened, and he fought the urge to scoot back against the wall. He was upset to see that he had indeed scooted back a bit on the bed, but it was only Kono and Jucei.

Neither of them said a word as their superior regained his composure on the bed, setting the pencil down as he took the cup that Kono was offering. Jucei handed him the cup of warm tea, brushing some of her hair behind her ear as Kabuto took the pills, swallowing two at once. The tea felt nice on its way down, and it had a very pleasant taste. Licking his lips, he held up the book. "This is the instructions for my experiments. They're very specific, so I won't take any excuse for them failing. In about two days I should be on my feet long enough to heal some of the subjects like I said, so I'll want a list of the experiments that are being done and who is being used for them, as well as their condition and..."

"If you'll excuse me, Kabuto-sensei..." Jucei cut in, frowning. Kabuto sighed,

"What is it?"

"If you heal any of the subjects, your injuries..." She began, but Kabuto sighed as he set the book down on his lap.

"I know all of that, of course. It's a necessary consequence though. I'm not afraid of a few scars; we can't afford to fall behind." He said, adjusting his glasses. "If I use my chakara solely to heal myself then it will take another five days at most for me to be fully healed. And that's if my..."

"P.T.S.D."

"...Thank you, Jucei-chan. But that's if it decides to behave or I can cope with it." The silver-haired one finished, averting his eyes to the book.

"But you're fine with us..." She said, but Kono shook his head.

"Neither of us are triggers, Jucei-san. And he still won't let one of us inject him." The other explained, taking the empty tea cup back from his superior. Kabuto nodded,

"Yes, he's right. You've learned physical health very well, but mental health is another thing entirely. Most of it I learned from simply seeing it first hand... and with a master like our own." Kabuto said, looking up to both of the apprentice medics.

"Speaking of Orochimaru-sama, have you told him about your plans?" Kono asked with a frown. Kabuto's eyes darkened.

"No... And don't either of you..." He led off as he caught sight of Jucei's expression, swallowing. "...You told him."

"Just before we came here to get the book..." She said nodding and looking a bit sheepish. Kabuto opened his mouth to chide her, but it clicked shut as soon as the door opened instead. All eyes turned to it expectantly, and Kabuto winced at the sight of his master. The other two medics moved aside as the Oto's leader approached, his own expression none too pleasant.

"I take it they told you that I know." Orochimaru said shortly, and Kabuto adjusted his glasses.

"It is the conclusion that I have arrived at that it would be beneficial for the Oto if I began to slowly resumed my responsibilities here." The silver-haired medic said simply.

"No." The master said firmly, and Kabuto looked up to meet the narrow golden eyes with his own.

"It's beneficial. I don't care about the scars, this is what I've decided to—what—!" He gasped as his the clothing of his shoulder was grabbed, his body stiffening.

"You_dare_disobey me!" The snake ninja hissed, and Kabuto rose the hand with the book as if to strike, but it was seized by his master. The medic's other hand grabbed his master's arm that was holding him, nails sinking in.

"L-let go! I-It's just scars...!" His dark eyes were wide.

"That is not the point!" Orochimaru chided, pulling the clothing, and Kabuto with it, to lay on his stomach on the bed.

"Orochimaru-sama, his post traumatic stress—!" Jucei protested, covering her mouth with her hand as Kabuto gasped, struggling with his master out of panic. The older ninja's voice was cold,

"Exposure therapy." He replied, and the book came down hard onto the struggling medic's backside with a rather loud _smack._Jucei gasped, blushing, as Kono had the decency to avert his eyes. Kabuto froze, fingers gripping the sheets as he gasped in shock. Ah, it looks like he had gotten his medic's attention. The book came down again, just as hard. "Now," This one earned a startled yelp, both because of the rough treatment irritating his wounds, and of his still lash-marked skin being struck. "Maybe. you. will. listen. to. my. orders." Each word was punctuated by a firm _thwak_of the book, and the corresponding gasp, whimper, or yelp from Kabuto. "Are you listening?" He asked. Kabuto's body was shuddering, and his face was flushed a deep red.

"Y-yes..." He whispered.

"Good. You will rest until all of your injuries are healed. I will not have anything less that full potential touching one of my test subjects, do you understand?" The pale ninja asked again, and Kabuto swallowed.

"Yes..._Ah-ow!_" He shouted as he was struck again. "Yes sir, I understand!" He corrected, and he was released. Orochimaru stood and tossed the book to Jucei, who caught it deftly.

"Take care of his experiments, and continue to bring him medicine when he asks for it. However, notify me immediately if he leaves this room. Understand?" He asked, and both apprentice medics nodded stiffly.

"Yes, Orochimaru-sama!" They said as one.

"Then leave." He said smoothly, and both of the younger medics fled. He looked back to Kabuto, who had moved to press his back against the wall in a flash. His hair and glasses were astray, and his clothing was already damp with sweat. Fingers gripped at the stone wall like a lifeline, and his breath was ragged. Orochimaru sighed, golden eyes catching the red red stains that were growing slowly in a few places. Wonderful, they had opened wounds. "Now stop that, Kabuto..." Orochimaru chided very softly. "I know very well that was a trigger, but I needed you to understand. Just as you need to understand that I am not an antagonist. I am your master. Now come here." He ordered, holding out his hand. Kabuto eyed the offered appendage warily, his body trembling as he reached out against his better judgment to take it. He allowed the older man to pull him back to the edge of the bed, wincing a little as he sat down.

"W-why... did you have to do that?" He asked, his cheeks still very crimson. The other merely chuckled.

"So that it would remain in your mind better than my other punishments apparently have. You should know better than to try and go against my word by now. Besides, what are you so embarrassed for? They won't think any less of you. You're their _hero_for the gods sake... You survived days of torture and you come home to direct them as if you never left, with all of your pride and intelligence attached. They know better than to breathe a word of that to anyone, besides. But they're both faces that I saw when I gave the order for you to receive no medicine. I needed the both of them to see what I think of disobedience." He finished, and Kabuto averted his eyes as he fixed his glasses.

"...You wouldn't do that to them."

"Of course not."

"Then couldn't you have slapped me?" The medic muttered. Orochimaru chuckled again.

"They knew very well that I treat you differently. And that punishment was personalized, as you'll remember well enough." He smirked, and Kabuto chanced giving his master a stubbornly unhappy expression. Of course he remembered. It wasn't the type of thing that someone forgot. But why couldn't his master be normal sometimes? He hung his head.

"Of course."

"Now... let's take care of those bandages. You're covered in sweat and bleeding now." Orochimaru said, walking over to the medic's desk, which was currently overrun with bandages and medicines.

/_And who's fault is that?/ _Kabuto wanted to ask, but he wisely kept his mouth shut. Likely his master would just blame it on his insolence as usual, and the last thing he wanted to do right now was irritate the man who had control over his flow of medication. Kabuto stood slowly, slipping his shirt off over his head with a wince, dropping it onto the bed. His pants were next as the snake Sannin returned to place the needed objects onto the bed. His master reached for him to assist him, but Kabuto pulled back quickly. "Ah... I'm sorry. Let me get the bandages... I'll try and sit still while you apply the medicine." He said, swallowing. His master merely nodded.

When all of the bandages were off Kabuto sat back onto the bed, closing his eyes. He trembled as soon as his master's latex-covered fingers touched a lash-mark on his chest. "Open your eyes." Orochimaru ordered, and he did so. "What's the matter, Kabuto? I'm not hurting you..." He asked as he applied the slightly green gel to the mark.

"I... I don't know. It's hard... to be touched by someone... Someone I fear." Kabuto admitted quietly.

"You have nothing to fear from me right now." Another lash-mark was treated.

"That's not true..." Kabuto swallowed. "You're furious with me. I can feel it in your hands. And you hit me much harder than you needed to earlier." He said, just as quietly. Orochimaru's fingers faltered for an instant, but they swiftly carried on.

"..."

"I know you won't hurt me. But my body is acting on its own... I know why you're angry with me, and it hurts to know it, and to see you help me like this—_hss_!" He hissed as cream was applied harder than necessary to a burn on his thigh. Who knew his master could be so passive aggressive?

"You would rather I take it out like this?" Orochimaru asked coolly, and Kabuto shook his head.

"N..no. That might make it worse." He panted, his hand frozen in mid-air. He had almost grabbed the other's wrist to pull it away. "But I..."

"Are you ready to talk about this?" His master asked, glancing up. Kabuto recoiled at the glare, clenching the sheets as he tried to keep from scooting backwards again.

/C_alm down. He's not going to hurt you. You are home, and this is your master, not an enemy. Oh, I've been such a fool... I don't blame him for being angry with me. But I can't take this glare much longer.../_

"_No."_Kabuto whispered, and Orochimaru nodded.

"Then be quiet and endure it." He said evenly, and Kabuto nodded. When it came to the brand on his thigh, Orochimaru froze. Kabuto averted his eyes, closing them in shame. "I deserve it..." He said quietly, but gasped in shock when he felt the warm, wet sensation run over it. His hand rose again but it froze just before touching his master's raven-colored hair, shuddering as Orochimaru licked the brand again slowly. He flinched, the hand clenching into a fist as those pale lips began to suck gently. "_Ohh_... oww..." His voice shook. "S-stop... stop, please..." He whimpered. It wasn't that it really hurt all that much, but more like the gentle way that his master treated such a mark that bothered him. His hips squirmed a bit all on their own, the hand that was not hovering was clutching the sheets. "If you continue... it will be bad! I can't... I can't do that yet...!" He protested, and only then did Orochimaru stop. He pressed the mark hard with his fingers as he spread the lidocaine gel over the brand.

"Heal this mark first. I don't want to look at it a moment longer than I have to." Ordered his master, and Kabuto nodded, wincing. He didn't exactly want to look at it either. More than a memory of the torture, it was the symbol of the man that he had foolishly been with. But it bothered him now, knowing what he knew of his master's carefully hidden feelings.

"If... if you had just told me..." Kabuto spoke up just as he was finishing covering the mark. "I never would have sought him out..." He said, body tensing as nails dug into the wound. He had expected this.

"Are you saying that its my fault that you opened your legs for that man?" Orochimaru asked, his golden eyes deadly as he rose to place his knee onto the bed so that he loomed over the medic, who was trying to scoot back. Kabuto's dark eyes were wide, and his lips moved a few times before any sound came out.

"No...! I mean I can't... It wasn't like that, I... Orochimaru-sama, I can't explain...!" The corner of his vision caught the movement, and he lashed out at his master before he could stop himself, shutting his eyes tightly. When he opened them again, they widened. He dropped the scissors for the bandages that he had apparently grabbed in his desperation, and it hit the stone floor with a loud clang as his jaw fell slack. To his credit, his master looked equally shocked. Blood seeped from the shallow wound on the palm of Orochimaru's pale hand, but that was not as shocking as the one on his cheek. Though it was shallow as well, face wounds bled swiftly. "Oh...my..." Even as he wished to reach out, to heal what was in his eyes this horrible mistake, Kabuto was sliding back away from his master, until the cold wall was at his back. "My gods... Orochimaru-sama..._Sorry...!"_His voice shook.

The older ninja's tongue slid out to lap at the hand wound slowly as he stood, averting his gaze. Grabbing a swatch of bandages, he wrapped his hand swiftly, and pressed the rest to his cheek, wiping the blood away.

"...It's alright. I pushed your limits."

"No, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Orochimaru-sama... I didn't mean to..."

"Calm down or you're going to hurt yourself again. I can't deal with you while you're injured. I'll come back when you're better, and then you're going to tell me just what the hell you meant by that." Orochimaru hissed, though his expression was neutral at best when he glanced back to his servant. "Now... finish your bandages and get some rest." He said, turning his back. Kabuto gave a low whine,

"Don't leave, _please_! I said I was sorry, please don't go! I need... to get over this. I need you to stay. If you don't, this will go on longer... If I am not injured, I could do worse...!"

"No, you won't." His master promised firmly, his footsteps never slowing as he headed for the door. "I won't let you. Just as I can control you when your eyes change, I will control you when you are afraid of me."

"Yes... I mean no! Don't! Don't go! Don't leave! You're the only one that can help me get over this! Orochimaru-sama... Orochimaru-sama! Don't—!" But the door was open, and Kabuto's mouth clicked shut. He didn't want others to hear him. It closed, and with it, his master's silhouette was blocked from sight.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Orochimaru leaned back against the door of his medic's room. The hall was empty and he was alone, the silence something he was used to. Blood... Kabuto had actually drawn blood. Unless they were training, the medic had _never_attacked him in such a way. He was not so petty as to be angry with him for it—attacking someone who had been pushed to his limit and snapped, who had the capability to harm you as foolish. He had seen what Kabuto had done to some of the medics that had managed to surprise him. The one that had tried to give him an injection ended up with his hand broken in three places. A ninja was supposed to be alert at all times, but post traumatic stress was something else entirely. It was having your body in an aroused state of awareness anytime that a trigger was present, and the bodily reaction to remove yourself from the said trigger by any means necessary.

"Heh... So I am a trigger because of my anger, am I...?" Orochimaru mused, squeezing the wound on his hand. There was nothing that he could do about that. He had every reason to be angry after all.

_/"If... if you had just told me...I never would have sought him out..."/_Told him what exactly? What was it that he wanted to hear? Was not that damn boy spoiled enough!? Orochimaru felt that he asked too much of him. He couldn't possibly control his anger like this. He knew that he wasn't going to like what he heard when they did talk it out, so the only available option was to wait until Kabuto was healed enough to cope with being restrained. In the meantime Orochimaru needed to work on his patience, and his temper. Oh, if Kabuto only knew how much he already held back for him. As if the boy had not already seen him slaughter other subordinates for such light offenses, and chide him for the mess in the very next breath. That Orochimaru was taking time from his precious village should be a testament alone.

"You selfish boy... look what you've done to me. I'm to old to be dwelling on something so little as this." Kabuto did him a great service. He endured days of torture silently for him. What did it really matter that he had given his body to another, as long as no harm was done? But the thought of his most loyal medic... No, of that beautiful and deceptively lithe form in another's arms, infuriated him. Kabuto had already done so much for him... silently endured all of his tirades and strange mood swings, carried out each and every mission flawlessly, and even submitted his body to his master in every way possible. What was missing, he wanted to... he _needed to _know.

There was still so much to understand...


End file.
